A SOLI Original Document.
You won't find it anywhere else.

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THAT'S LIFE

(c) Copyright 1975 Robert J. Hustwit

  I am naked and new...yet I know much.
  I know of Kepler, Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, Maxwell,
Planck, Einstein and thousands of others. I know of the
Sumerians, the Egyptians, the Greeks and Romans. I know
Shakespeare, Browning, Shelley and Keats. I understand the
crimes of Hitler, the calculus of Newton, the constant of
Planck and the relativity of Einstein. I feel the joy of
knowledge, the serenity of wisdom, the courage of certainty
and...the chill of fear.
  I am naked and new...yet I know much.
  The journal of Dr. Jeremiah Stockton;
  April 15th.
  I feel I must start keeping an in depth narrative-type
record of what's happening in my lab to supplement my
technical record. Things are moving quickly and everything
is important. I have been working on my own project here at
the Harding Institute for five years. The project has been
my best-kept secret. My regular research goes on unabated,
while every spare moment is devoted to the special project.
Other than Polly, no one knows of my work. And Polly is a
chimpanzee.
  My regular projects are in the field of learning patterns.
My special project is in the field of learning patterns.
Good grief! I'm being coy about my work even in writing my
ideas to myself! I hope that this journal falls into the
proper hands if I can't put it there myself. If it does, it
will be obvious that I am a scientist, not a writer. Let me
clarify my work in learning patterns: in my regular
projects, I measure and record learning patterns; in my
special project, I induce them.
  Polly, my experimental chimpanzee, and I have been working
together five years this month. For the first four years,
eleven months and twelve days, I measured her learning
patterns, Three weeks ago, I began my efforts to induce a
learning pattern--instant education I called it--into
Polly's mind.
  Of course, I had the benefit of five years' worth of data
on Polly, and that made the task easier, but still, it was
very delicate. Basically, I used a computer to run a kind of
reverse electro-encephalograph. Instead of picking up brain
waves, it induced them. Because of the computer's speed, it
could change wave patterns fast enough to simulate actual
neuronic synapses in the human brain. I designed and built
the machine myself, and, rather than put the details of it
here, in what I wish to be a simple narrative, I have
included a schematic diagram of my machine and a complete
explanation in a separate work, the manuscript I titled,
"Electro-encephalographic Induction", or simply, E.I.
  My machine was able to transmit knowledge when it was
first finished. That in itself was a worthy achievement, but
I had more in mind. You see, it took an inordinate amount of
time to transmit the simplest bit of information; at least
as long as to read that information from an instruction
sheet. And it was difficult to assess my experimental
results, working only with rats and rabbits, since we know
so little of how they perceive things. Still, I made
headway. I was able to induce the knowledge of how to
successfully navigate a complicated maze to get a piece of
cheese or lettuce, before I was through. I failed, or at
least I could get no measurable results, when I tried to
induce abstract information into these subjects (see E.I.,
pages 24-36). And there was still the time factor in
transmitting the knowledge.
  It took me two-and-a-half years of constant trial-and-
error testing before I found the secret of almost
instantaneous transmission of data (see page 57 and ff,
E.I.), and that's when I began to think about experimenting
with Polly.
  Polly is not really an experimental animal to me--she is a
real friend. I've always been a loner, never much with the
women, oh, I look and think a lot but that's all. I don't
have any family, I really don't have anything but my work
and Polly. If you've never felt love for animal, I can't
describe to you what I feel for Polly; if you have, it isn't
necessary.
  At first, I was reluctant to experiment on "my friend".
But as I thought about it more, I convinced myself that I
would try-- very slowly--a few inductions. My first
experiments were successful beyond anything I had imagined.
I had made up a very difficult sequence of actions which
would yield a piece of candy--Polly's favorite prize. I
fitted the electrodes to her body (per diagram 'C', of E.I.)
and fed the information (on the proper sequence and what the
reward would be) to her.
  It took exactly one nanosecond to induce about two minutes
worth of information. When she did not respond to the test
immediately, I thought I had failed. Within fifteen minutes,
however, she executed the proper series of actions, and got
her candy. That was the first inkling I had of any time lag
between the time of inductance and the time of response. I
thought at the time that perhaps it was the fact that Polly
was a higher order of intelligence than the rats, and that
the knowledge needed more time to become integrated with
everything else. Later, I postulated that it was similar to
a photographic negative developing. To this day, I don't
know which is true--if either. I did see, however that the
more abstract the data, the longer the time lapse for her to
respond.
  Elated by my success, I resolved to go ahead with my idea
to induce into Polly the knowledge which I had been
carefully programming and storing in the giant Harding
Foundation computer for the last five years. There was more
information at my disposal in that computer than any one
person could assimilate in a lifetime--and I was going to
try to induce it into my Polly in a matter of a few minutes
(3.6792, to be exact).
  I suppose that I should mention here, that my experiments
were somewhat rushed, and just a little haphazard. I had no
funds for this project, and I had to make do with what I
had. If I could get results, solid results, I could get my
own backing, money behind me. Then I could form my own
company and not have to put up with Harding any more. But I
knew that in order to get big money, I had to produce
something really dramatic--that would be Polly.
  I induced the data into her four days ago (see pages 132
and ff., E.I.). At one point Polly passed out, or at least
that's what I thought happened, for 3.25975 seconds. Looking
at the records after the experiment was over, I saw that all
her vital signs had ceased for those three-plus seconds. I
was really frightened. When she had (I thought) passed out,
I just calmly timed it, never suspecting that anything was
wrong. Of course, now, I am studying those seconds
frantically--but with no results as yet. I am also studying
the other phenomenon I can't account for--Polly doesn't know
me.
  I'm sure of it now, although I didn't suspect at first.
Polly slept most of that first day, and on the second began
to respond to the induced data. I suspected nothing,
thinking that her lack of affection was due to all of her
energy being channelled, integrating the new data. On the
third day I discovered I was wrong, in the most shocking way
possible--Polly wrote me a note!
  "Who are you?" It said, in a very readable script.
  When I read it, I had to sit down. My mouth must have been
wide open, because I got another note;
  "Close your mouth and tell me who you are, please."
  My mind was still acting as if a tornado had just gone
through, but I stammered out, "I-I'm Dr. Stockton, Polly,
Jerry, remember?"
  "No." Just the one word, printed this time. Then,
  "Who's Polly?"
  "Why, you are. That's your name. You don't remember at
all?"
  Polly shook her head slowly; no, she didn't remember.
  I worked with her the rest of yesterday; and by the end of
today, I became convinced that the Polly I had known had
ceased to exist. I can't tell you the pain. I feel as if I
killed--no,no--lost--my best and only friend, and yet Polly
is in the lab right now--only it isn't Polly--but in a way,
it is.
  This new Polly began to show emotion yesterday, and today
she was very affectionate.

  April 16
  Today Polly wrote me a note telling me she loved me! Her
intelligence is increasing at a geometric rate as she
integrates or develops more and more data, I can hardly keep
up my measurements, I guess from a narrative point of view,
that's where we are now. It's late and I'm going to be bed,
wondering with almost painful curiosity hat tomorrow will
bring.

  April 17
  This morning, I found Polly sitting in a corner of her
cage. She did not look up as I entered, nor did she give any
other sign acknowledging my presence. After I had checked
all the animals and set the machines to record today's
experiments, I went over, opened Polly's cage, and sat
beside it as I have been doing the last few days. I said
"Hello" to her and she finally noticed me. Sadly, she handed
me a note. I have copied it below.

  "Dearest Jeremiah;
  There is much that I do not understand about myself. Every
day, as my knowledge of the outside world seems to grow, my
confusion about myself grows also. Why am I kept in a cage,
like a wild animal? Who am I? You say that you knew me, but
I do not remember you. Why? I know what I feel for you is
love, but somehow I am trapped inside the body of this
animal, and I know that our love can never be consummated.
But how did this thing happen? How did I get here--here in
this ugly body? Please, Jeremiah, you must explain, I must
know. As I understand more, I fear more. I am unhappy.
Please, Jeremiah, help me.
                                        Polly"

  I felt like the father who deserted his son at birth, only
to find him again, years later, in need. The import of what
I have done is just beginning to filter into my
consciousness. I am very frightened. I have created a
thinking being--I am responsible for her. She has the mind
of a human, the body of an ape--what am I to do?

  April 18
  No time for a long entry today. Polly was deeply
depressed--almost psychotic--all day; I stayed with her and
tried to help, but didn't succeed. She cried when I left.

  April 19
  Today I explained the experiment to Polly, how and why I
had conducted it, hoping it would bring her out of her
depression--it didn't work. If anything it drove her deeper.
She communicated very little all day, I had to spend most of
the afternoon catching up on yesterday's regular work, so I
didn't have much time to talk anyway.

  April 20
  Could not communicate with Polly at all today, she seems
to be in a trance. Her vital signs are o.k., in fact, they
seem to be getting stronger than normal (see chart 14, E.I.)
I wish I knew more about psychology, although I'm not sure
it would help. I don't know what to do. She cried again when
I left the lab.

  April 21
  Today was the worst day I have had yet. Polly seems to
have had a nervous breakdown. She kept telling me (in notes)
that she wanted to marry me--that she loved me. That hurt
somehow, more than her reproaches for having "created" her.
She cried off and on most of the day.

  April 22
  Polly hung herself last night after I left. The loss is
too much for me. I am leaving here.

                        ****

  May 16
  I am starting my journal again, for the last time. After
two weeks, I returned to the Foundation. Mr. Harding
actually sympathized with my feelings. He did not know about
what had happened to Polly, of course, only that she had
died, but he did convince me that I should keep working,
although he thinks I'm working on something else. For the
last ten days, I have been setting up my electro-
encephalographic inducer for one last experiment--on me.
  I'm not sure in my own mind why I'm doing it; I know that
in many ways I am still a child, and it may be an immature
emotional reaction to the tragedy. It could be scientific
zeal, I just don't know. But I do know that I will die. Most
likely, my motive is a combination guilt-death-wish and
curiosity. Anyway, I have shaved off all my body hair, and
have left a complete portfolio for myself (?) when I awake.
I have laced all the electrodes in position, and as soon as
I finish writing this, I am going to push the button and
begin my final experiment.
  What I have determined in thinking about the effects of my
Inducer, however, is most important. My technical manuscript
is no longer attached to this journal, I have put it in a
safe-deposit box and have the key at my apartment.
  On a hypothetical basis, I believe that I have found how
life works. I know with certainty what death is. And my
hypothesis explains Polly's 3.2-second 'death' while under
induction, and also, her inability to remember anything
about her old self afterwards.
  From birth, we are assaulted by almost the full spectrum
of electromagnetic waves, triggering responses in one or
more of our five senses. We may even have another sense
which responds to those frequencies the others cannot. In
any event, it is obvious that our brains receive more inputs
than they can ever transmit. Now, think of the brain as
being analogous to an electronic capacitor, storing up
energy to some pre-determined level, and then suddenly
discharging that energy. The discharge is what we call a
natural death. And if it is followed quickly enough by
enough inputs, life can come again. But it is a new life, a
new entity. That is what I hope to prove--or maybe I just
want to die. I will never know which.
  I am going to set down my pen now, and press the button.
Good-by.

                        ****
  I am naked and new...yet I know much.
  I know of Kepler, Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, Maxwell,
Planck, Einstein and thousands of others. I know of the
Sumerians, the Egyptians, the Greeks and Romans. I know of
Shakespeare, Browning, Shelley and Keats. I understand the
crimes of Hitler, the calculus of Newton, the constant of
Planck and the relativity of Einstein, I feel the joy of
knowledge, the serenity of wisdom, the courage of certainty
and...the chill of fear.
  I am naked and new...yet I know much.

THE END