A SOLI Original Document.
You won't find it anywhere else.

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A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING

(c) Copyright 1975 Robert J. Hustwit

  I can truly identify with only one thing I have read here, and even
then, I may be reading something into it that isn't there.
  The stories I have read of love and tenderness are too pale--too
insipid--for me. And yet, the people I have seen here are intelligent
and creative. In many respects, you are my equals. But in one area--
one major area--you are so far my inferiors as to seem prehistorically
primitive. What area, you ask? Enjoying the opposite sex.
  Where I come from, we recognize both the quantitative and
qualitative aspect of sexual pleasure. Certainly, if you have many of
the opposite sex at one time, you have at least a quantitative
pleasure, whereas sometimes only one--if it is the right one--is more
enjoyable than many. I was taught at an early age to wait and look for
the deeper, qualitative pleasures of just the right person, rather
than to drown myself in numbers.
  Ever since I arrived here, I have been watching and waiting for that
person. Not knowing much of your customs, I believe my watching upset
a few people, so I have taken steps to keep hidden, and it seems to
have worked. While waiting, I have examined your literature and I
believe I am what you call a "hedonist", one who seeks pleasure above
all else. Yes, that description fits me exactly. And today I will
demonstrate to the world the ultimate pleasure--sex--as only we have
enjoyed it until now.
  Oh, no, not your kind of sex. I have read your books--copulation,
fornication, ejaculation, orgasm--these are nothing compared to the
enjoyment we experience when we become one with a member of the
opposite sex.
  I should explain that I am writing this as an aid to enjoyment for
those of your world, from those of us on my world who are kindred
spirits. I cannot believe that my little demonstration will go
unnoticed--I may even change your history for you.
  The people of your planet are not built big enough to enjoy sex in
the same way I do, even though you have all the right equipment. But,
as I read in one of your sex books, "It's not how big you are, it's
what you do with what you've got." That is most true. Even then, you
may be able to enlarge yourselves (with the proper exercises), and so
increase your enjoyment.
  Your planet is of a type which causes me harm if I stay too long,
so, as much as I would like to stay and see the results of my
demonstration, I must leave as soon as it is completed. I will
photograph it and leave an aural record as well--but I must prepare
for the demonstration.
  The Person I have chosen is representative of the opposite sex on
your planet. I have caused that person to come to me here in the
wilderness.
  I lay down as the person approaches and uncap a jug of liquid you
call "wine", and unwrap another substance which I believe will
complete the romantic setting--romantic by your standards.
  I am trembling with anticipation and desire now, and I know that I
can wait no longer. As the person stands before me, I cause my mind
lock to cease. Now the pleasure begins.
  I knew! I knew! The response is exactly what the thing I read said
it would be--there is singing. We certainly wouldn't call it singing,
but at a time like this, who's going to complain. I feel the familiar
ache, the urging, and I reach out for my partner. Things are not so
different here, after all; there is struggling, more singing, and then
silence, as I eat my partner's foot in ecstasy.
  I 'finish' my partner in an indescribable paroxysm of joy and lust,
Saving the fingers until last (I've always had a weakness for
fingers), and I think o the only other person on your planet who seems
to have enjoyed the opposite sex as I do--Omar Khayyam. Remember? He
said,
  "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread and Thou
   Inside me singing in the Wilderness."

THE END